*Getting close to the Green Zone I think!
*Lost about 38 lbs and still feel great!
*Loving My Fitness Pal and logging my food.
*Lost weight during Thanksgiving, can you believe it!
*Eating very little carbs and not feeling deprived at all.
*Loving myself.
*Wore some jeans the other day, that when I pulled out of my closet, had DUST on them from being stuck in the closet for so long because they had been too small for so long.
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Friday, November 18, 2011
Lets get some Sunshine in here, shall we?
I just read through my posts on this blog. My last one was a little bleek wasn’t it? I can’t let that be the first post showing anymore. I am feeling much better about myself, my surgery and my outlook on the future these days. In fact today is a GREAT day! I had been struggling with a weight loss plateau, in that 31 lbs was the MAX I could seem to lose. After 2 weeks in the gym I am 34 lbs down total now. I tore down that wall that was holding me back and am loving it. In honor of my 34 lb loss I thought I would list 34 positive changes/updates or just things to be thankful about that occurred as a direct result of losing those pounds.
34. I can buy less groceries and use less when I cook.
33. I eat less Carbs and my body runs better for it.
32. I have much less stomach issues than I used to.
31. I have a feeling that I can conquer the world, if I wanted to.
30. I am confident that I have extended my life.
29. I used to have intense back pain that kept me from doing so many things, I have very very little if any back pain anymore.
28. I used to have swollen feet (due to high blood pressure) Ive been on meds but it didn’t always help—it is getting much much better the more weight I lose.
27. I GYM-HOP! I actually go to the Gym’s website, look for the classes I want to take and drive across town, to different towns etc just to go the gym. I cant believe it myself.
26. I am becoming the person I want to be, not staying complacent with the person I am. I feel like I am discovering my true potential and I am excited about it.
25. Yall. I took a spin class. It kicked my BOOTY, but, I did it and it was a fear of mine, and I went and I didn’t DIE.
24. Sleepiness: I can get by with less sleep and I am not sleepy all the time, maybe my quality of sleep has gotten better?
23. I have ZERO heartburn.
22. I am PROUD of myself. Does not happen often to me.
21. This one should probably be higher, but, I feel deserving of good things. I know I should always feel that way, but I think its because I am proud of myself that I really feel that way now.
20. Socially I feel more connected. I actually want to make connections because I am not as depressed about my self image.
19. I am less concerned with food overall, it doesn’t seem to control all of my thoughts and actions as it sometimes has.
18. Not being out of breath as often (actually I don’t often get out of breath anymore) especially on days like today where we have a fire drill and I’m on the top floor of a very expansive building at a very large campus.
17. I feel like a better Mom, I can do things I wasn’t able to before, and I am more active and involved simply because I feel better.
16. I have HOPE like I have never had before.
15. I look forward to going to the gym, rather than dreading it! In fact its actually a highlight of my day these days.
14. I have found many amazingly supportive peeps along the way.
13. Overall I feel much stronger.
12. Overall I feel much prettier.
11. Overall I feel much healthier.
10. While I still sometimes feel like the Fat girl in the room, my internal dialogue immediately reminds me that I am making positive strides in changing that.
09. Clothes fit better and feel better-even though I still don’t see a difference in the mirror!
08. I am bringing my kids to the gym with me, to take classes with me.
07. I know I am being a good example to my kids.
06. The most pain I feel is from sore muscles, not backpain, headpain etc.
05. I no longer feel yucky everyday at the end of the day. I believe this has to do with the bad foods I was putting into my body (and the quantity) before.
04. Energy-I cannot believe how much more I have.
03. ZUMBA- Never would have had the nerve to go before!
02. My blood sugar. Pre-weight loss topped out at 101 which is pre-diabetic. It is now 87-which is out of the danger zone.
01. CONFIDENCE! I am still overweight, yes, actually very much so. BUT I have this newfound confidence in myself and with the things I can achieve that feels so good.
34. I can buy less groceries and use less when I cook.
33. I eat less Carbs and my body runs better for it.
32. I have much less stomach issues than I used to.
31. I have a feeling that I can conquer the world, if I wanted to.
30. I am confident that I have extended my life.
29. I used to have intense back pain that kept me from doing so many things, I have very very little if any back pain anymore.
28. I used to have swollen feet (due to high blood pressure) Ive been on meds but it didn’t always help—it is getting much much better the more weight I lose.
27. I GYM-HOP! I actually go to the Gym’s website, look for the classes I want to take and drive across town, to different towns etc just to go the gym. I cant believe it myself.
26. I am becoming the person I want to be, not staying complacent with the person I am. I feel like I am discovering my true potential and I am excited about it.
25. Yall. I took a spin class. It kicked my BOOTY, but, I did it and it was a fear of mine, and I went and I didn’t DIE.
24. Sleepiness: I can get by with less sleep and I am not sleepy all the time, maybe my quality of sleep has gotten better?
23. I have ZERO heartburn.
22. I am PROUD of myself. Does not happen often to me.
21. This one should probably be higher, but, I feel deserving of good things. I know I should always feel that way, but I think its because I am proud of myself that I really feel that way now.
20. Socially I feel more connected. I actually want to make connections because I am not as depressed about my self image.
19. I am less concerned with food overall, it doesn’t seem to control all of my thoughts and actions as it sometimes has.
18. Not being out of breath as often (actually I don’t often get out of breath anymore) especially on days like today where we have a fire drill and I’m on the top floor of a very expansive building at a very large campus.
17. I feel like a better Mom, I can do things I wasn’t able to before, and I am more active and involved simply because I feel better.
16. I have HOPE like I have never had before.
15. I look forward to going to the gym, rather than dreading it! In fact its actually a highlight of my day these days.
14. I have found many amazingly supportive peeps along the way.
13. Overall I feel much stronger.
12. Overall I feel much prettier.
11. Overall I feel much healthier.
10. While I still sometimes feel like the Fat girl in the room, my internal dialogue immediately reminds me that I am making positive strides in changing that.
09. Clothes fit better and feel better-even though I still don’t see a difference in the mirror!
08. I am bringing my kids to the gym with me, to take classes with me.
07. I know I am being a good example to my kids.
06. The most pain I feel is from sore muscles, not backpain, headpain etc.
05. I no longer feel yucky everyday at the end of the day. I believe this has to do with the bad foods I was putting into my body (and the quantity) before.
04. Energy-I cannot believe how much more I have.
03. ZUMBA- Never would have had the nerve to go before!
02. My blood sugar. Pre-weight loss topped out at 101 which is pre-diabetic. It is now 87-which is out of the danger zone.
01. CONFIDENCE! I am still overweight, yes, actually very much so. BUT I have this newfound confidence in myself and with the things I can achieve that feels so good.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
I've been quiet...
Because I am super discouraged.
Maybe a little depressed.
Definately a whole lot "why did I do this".
I try to be positive when I can but I have no positivity left. I have had two fills now, the first one was 1.5 cc and the second, .5 cc and I still feel like I never had surgery. Its maddening to know I have gone through this, had my belly poked and prodded three times (one time was a fill fail, more on that later-probably) and I have no restriction whatsoever. I understand this is a tool and not a miracle fix blah blah blah, But if I didnt need the tool I would never have had surgery. I may be getting a little to impatient, but I am mostly upset that the fill center would not give me more than .5, because "I had lost 5 lbs in two weeks" Well two things about that is wrong, first, I hadnt truly lost that- for whatever reason when I went into the office two weeks ago my weight was higher than it had been since surgery so I knew I would register a loss when I went back in, I explained this to them and that if I lost anything it was all me and not the band but they just felt I was "doing great" and didnt need much more. I have a 14cc band, with my surgery amount and my two fills I am at 7 cc's, when can I expect to feel anything? A friend asked me about surgery yesterday and I had to tell her that it was not the best time to ask me, because I would have definately went with something different at this point, something more drastic but its too late. This is such a pity post, and I am living in my own pity party right now. Blah, this too shall pass.
Maybe a little depressed.
Definately a whole lot "why did I do this".
I try to be positive when I can but I have no positivity left. I have had two fills now, the first one was 1.5 cc and the second, .5 cc and I still feel like I never had surgery. Its maddening to know I have gone through this, had my belly poked and prodded three times (one time was a fill fail, more on that later-probably) and I have no restriction whatsoever. I understand this is a tool and not a miracle fix blah blah blah, But if I didnt need the tool I would never have had surgery. I may be getting a little to impatient, but I am mostly upset that the fill center would not give me more than .5, because "I had lost 5 lbs in two weeks" Well two things about that is wrong, first, I hadnt truly lost that- for whatever reason when I went into the office two weeks ago my weight was higher than it had been since surgery so I knew I would register a loss when I went back in, I explained this to them and that if I lost anything it was all me and not the band but they just felt I was "doing great" and didnt need much more. I have a 14cc band, with my surgery amount and my two fills I am at 7 cc's, when can I expect to feel anything? A friend asked me about surgery yesterday and I had to tell her that it was not the best time to ask me, because I would have definately went with something different at this point, something more drastic but its too late. This is such a pity post, and I am living in my own pity party right now. Blah, this too shall pass.
Friday, August 12, 2011
Back to Work
My first two days back to work went well, and now its the weekend! I still have port pain when I bend over and it was worse from sitting all day (I work behind a desk all day). For the most part I felt good and strong, however, both days in the middle of the day I started to feel a bit yucky. I think I am not eating enough during the day, possibly also letting my blood sugar drop or something. Thats just my hunch though. I have been kinda faint-ish and yucky feeling after I got home each day also, but after dinner I start to feel a bit better. Thats about all I have to update with right now, my baby starts Kindergarten in a little over a week so I have been to busy preparing for that for anything else!
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Clarification
Hmm my time zone must be messed up on my blog, its after midnight so I thought that would post showing wednesday but it didn't so clarification first day back to work is Thursday!
Surgeon Visit
I saw my surgeon for my two week follow up. He said he is pleased with my healing and explained that the numbness I feel in a section of my tummy is nerve damage from surgery. He said that the national average of losing is 7.5 lbs for the two week preop diet and the 2 weeks after surgery (one month total). I have lost 24 lbs! (well-according to his scale, mine says 26!) I am actually shocked, given I only had about five solid days on the preop diet (that I had a few slip ups on to boot!). He also gave me some encouraging information- he showed me the pictures he took in my belly and compared it to other sample pictures they keep. He showed me that I had very very little fat encasing my organs, and that my liver was nowhere near my stomach and quite small! He said that generally patients have a ton of fat around the stomach, making fills necessary more frequently as that fat is lost but in all the pictures he took I had one small strip of fat and that was it. I guess all my fat stays where everyone else can see it. I hope that makes this process easier on me, but who knows it probably just means I will have saggier skin! Lets see, he said my incisions will pucker until the stitches dissolve and that my four small incisions have one stitch each, while the bigger one has 10. He also encouraged me to try anything and everything food wise, to discover what food my band will handle. Right now I have 5cc's in my 14cc band and will get my first fill on 08/25. He said to expect to be hungry between now and then, and I told him I was afraid I was already eating too much but working on it. Overall I would say it was a positive visit.
I really love my surgeon, he is very very comforting and open and down to earth. Its hard to put this in words, but sometimes when I go to the doctor, I feel looked down upon, stripped of my dignity and almost that the medical professional is disgusted with my size. I get anxiety about doctors visits due to this, and hesitate looking for better docs because I always think its going to happen. I feel none of this in his office, the entire staff is wonderful and he encourages us to call call call with anything that we need, that we will not be a bother at all. I always leave with all of my dignity and feeling positive about the visit which is such a blessing to me.
I still have some pain, enough that it takes my breath away, at my port site. I am hoping it gets better soon. I have had lots of trouble falling asleep since surgery, which I have to get resolved because I go back to work tomorrow (!!) and in about two weeks my baby starts Kindergarten (!!!!!) So a good sleep schedule is a must.
That's all I have for now, still hoping to be able to see my loss in the mirror, but I know its coming!
I really love my surgeon, he is very very comforting and open and down to earth. Its hard to put this in words, but sometimes when I go to the doctor, I feel looked down upon, stripped of my dignity and almost that the medical professional is disgusted with my size. I get anxiety about doctors visits due to this, and hesitate looking for better docs because I always think its going to happen. I feel none of this in his office, the entire staff is wonderful and he encourages us to call call call with anything that we need, that we will not be a bother at all. I always leave with all of my dignity and feeling positive about the visit which is such a blessing to me.
I still have some pain, enough that it takes my breath away, at my port site. I am hoping it gets better soon. I have had lots of trouble falling asleep since surgery, which I have to get resolved because I go back to work tomorrow (!!) and in about two weeks my baby starts Kindergarten (!!!!!) So a good sleep schedule is a must.
That's all I have for now, still hoping to be able to see my loss in the mirror, but I know its coming!
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
How I have been feeling...
I don't really know how to count post-op days, hah. Like, is surgery day, day 1? Or is the following day, day 1? Anyhow tomorrow will be a week out that I had surgery. (Tomorrow being Wednesday, had my surgery the wednesday before, hah)
Anyhow, I was shocked at how I felt immediately following surgery. First, I was disoriented and was not sure where I was, I had trouble taking breaths and I hurt.all.over. The pain was surprising, I was thinking the anesthetic would make waking up pain free, I was sadly very misinformed! So I guess I must have verbalized about how much pain i was in because the nurse said, "Honey, you just had surgery-it's supposed to hurt!" It was then I realized where I was and what had occurred, and the only thoughts in my mind at that time where, I did not die! and I dont think I had a stroke! Hah, morbid but its my truth, those were my two biggest fears about the entire surgery.
The days following surgery were rough. They were hard in a way I didnt expect them to be though. I thought I would be wanting food, grieving the loss of my old lifestyle and of food (being honest!) but none of that occurred. I had and still have very little interest in food. My biggest complaint, was and is that I cannot breathe. I cannot take a deep breath or yawn, when I do I get the worst pain and my stomach starts dry heaving. I went to the ER about it because the doctor wanted to be sure it wasnt a blood clot in my lung, more about that trip later though. Its too much for right now!
Anyhow, I was shocked at how I felt immediately following surgery. First, I was disoriented and was not sure where I was, I had trouble taking breaths and I hurt.all.over. The pain was surprising, I was thinking the anesthetic would make waking up pain free, I was sadly very misinformed! So I guess I must have verbalized about how much pain i was in because the nurse said, "Honey, you just had surgery-it's supposed to hurt!" It was then I realized where I was and what had occurred, and the only thoughts in my mind at that time where, I did not die! and I dont think I had a stroke! Hah, morbid but its my truth, those were my two biggest fears about the entire surgery.
The days following surgery were rough. They were hard in a way I didnt expect them to be though. I thought I would be wanting food, grieving the loss of my old lifestyle and of food (being honest!) but none of that occurred. I had and still have very little interest in food. My biggest complaint, was and is that I cannot breathe. I cannot take a deep breath or yawn, when I do I get the worst pain and my stomach starts dry heaving. I went to the ER about it because the doctor wanted to be sure it wasnt a blood clot in my lung, more about that trip later though. Its too much for right now!
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